Peace as a modern parent might seem more elusive than a special forces unicorn in a fever dream, but it is possible! Today, parenting comes with many challenges, which can be multiplied with neurodivergent children. As such, you may not have enough time for yourself, and your approach to parenting can suffer as a result. But there are some ways to improve your well-being. From changing your diet to positive discipline, here are some suggestions.
Embrace Calm, Connection and Presence
Mindful parenting relies on many individual things that can make life easier. Gentle routines and slowing down the pace in an overstimulated world can be life-changing for you and the children. For examples of families embracing a calmer way of living and connecting, you only need to check out blogs like Maisy and Dadda, a family-focused platform that captures the better moments of life as a parent with challenges that most of us can directly learn from.
Peace as a Modern Parent with a Good Diet
Around 4.7% of mothers and 3.9% of fathers binge eat as a way to cope with the stress of being a parent. While the odd burger or pizza won’t do any harm, binge eating causes excess weight gain and becomes a tool for stress reduction. However, you will feel better with a nutritious diet:
- Replace high-fat foods such as burgers with lean homemade patties instead.
- Switch to zero-sugar soft drinks if you enjoy too much cola and “energy” drinks.
- Eat a rainbow of vegetables and try to reduce reliance on ultra-processed foods.
Be a Little Kinder to Yourself
Any good parent puts the children first. But what happens when you focus only on the kids and neglect yourself? It has been said many times that you can’t look after someone if you don’t look after yourself. A great first step is to actually acknowledge that being a parent is hard and no one expects you to be perfect all the time. If you are feeling stressed due to the challenges of neurodiverse parenting, find some time in the day for breathing exercises and meditation.
Seek Out Support with Networks
If you take everything on yourself, you will struggle, even if you think everything is fine. You are never really alone as a parent, and support is always available. Whether you are a single mother doing it yourself or a partner struggling with raising an autistic child, support networks are waiting for you to join them. Online groups, social media platforms and even counsellors are ready and waiting. Of course, opening a dialogue with your partner is also a powerful start.
Delegate for Peace as a Modern Parent
People experience burnout in all walks of life, from high-flying CEOs to single parents. In fact, a study by BUPA found that 82% of parents in the UK show at least one symptom of burnout. You can make going to the gym a habit to get away for a while, but this also depends on delegating tasks. Delegating means entrusting tasks to others, and can be a welcome reprieve for parents.
Create a list of tasks
Everyone needs to be on the same page for delegation to work effectively. A list of tasks that need to be done is a great start, especially when everyone can also refer to the same planner.
Assign tasks based on age
When children reach a certain age, they can be a massive help around the house. Giving them age-appropriate chores can take some of the load from your day and teach them responsibility.
Be clear about what you want
It always helps to be clear about what you need and expect from delegates. Specific instructions are the best way to assign tasks while also explaining why they need to be done a certain way.
It can be hard to delegate tasks as a parent, especially if you find it hard to let go of perfection. However, children can grow and learn from responsibilities from a young age. Of course, if you aren’t an angel parent, your partner also shares the responsibility of home and family life.
Be the Example of Behaviour
Children are very visual learners. Monkey see, monkey do! If you get angry and shout when you are frustrated, so will the kids. Kids behave, do and say based on what they take in around them. So it helps to model the behaviour you want to see from them. For example, you can be calm, patient and kind when something goes wrong, rather than being overtaken by distrustful emotions. Children will absorb this way of resolving a situation, which is peaceful for everyone.
Try to Connect Rather than Control
Bad things can happen when there is an emotional disconnect between parents and children. You can still love your kids to the moon, but emotional connections are just as vital. When there is no emotional attachment between children and parents, kids can display very destructive behaviours. Therefore, it is more favourable to forego controlling punishment in favour of connection when disciplining children, which can help forge a relationship built on trust.
Peace as a Modern Parent with Positive Discipline
Between 3 to 6 weeks after birth, around 20% of women and 10% of men begin to struggle with issues such as anxiety, stress and depression. Being a parent is hard, and there is no real guidebook. You can avoid most of the major issues by approaching it with a positive mindset:
- Instead of punishment, think of issues as teachable moments for child development.
- Talk to the kids and discuss problems in a constructive way to find a solution.
- If there is to be punishment, ask the children what they think is appropriate.
Try to Stay Emotionally Present
Being present in the life of a child means more than taking care of them. In the eyes of a child, a parent is essentially a god and the source of their very being. Because of this, they crave the focus and attention of caregivers such as parents. So much so that even the smallest micro-interactions, like a good morning hug, will help stabilise behaviour and encourage positive relationships. This can be supplemented with family meals and stories before bedtime.
Summary
Remaining calm and collected, even when things are bad, will help you reclaim peace as a parent. You can make it easier on yourself by delegating tasks to other family members. And the kids will find happiness when you are emotionally present with things like family meals together.
