A divorce can be an exhausting and emotional process, not only for the two people splitting up but for any children involved. The choice to get a divorce should be between the two parties to the marriage, and no one else. So, even if the kids would prefer you stay together, they won’t have the final say. In the long term, it’s often better to split an unhappy household into two happy ones. Even if this isn’t obvious to everyone at the time.
You might wonder how to go through this process without causing undue stress to the children. The answer will vary from child to child, and most of the variance comes down to age.
How children of different ages react
Even very young children can tell when the situation isn’t right at home. As things get tenser, they’re likely to be more clingy and prone to tantrums. Toddlers will be developing a sense of self for the first time, so they’re more likely to perceive that they’re the cause of the problem. Meanwhile, school-age children might struggle to cope with feelings of abandonment and perceive that their parents are divorcing them, rather than one another. Over the age of around eight, a child might decide to pick a side – which can complicate things for both parents.
Telling them the truth
There’s no reason to sugar-coat the announcement when it comes to something serious like this. The more straightforward you are, the less it will appear like a game or something that can be resolved.
It’s a good idea to know exactly what you’re going to say and to anticipate any reactions. Make sure that you provide reassurance that both parents still love them and that divorce doesn’t mean that they aren’t going to see dad or mum again.
Being aware of their thoughts and listening to them
You should encourage your child to be open about their feelings. Let them know that they can talk about what they’re going through. Even small children will have developed fond memories of the time when their parents were together, and they may feel a sense of loss. Older children, as we’ve mentioned, might blame themselves. Provide a space for these feelings to be aired, and you’ll stand a better chance of countering them.
The right family lawyer might help you to resolve your divorce with minimal strain and bickering. By making the process less adversarial, you’ll minimise the emotional impact on your kids.
Trying to have a normal routine
If the routines you’ve established suddenly change, or you find that you aren’t sticking to a routine at all, then it can create a sense of chaos and uncertainty for your children. As such, it’s a good idea to put together a new routine, even after the divorce goes through. If your child knows from experience that they’re going to see a certain parent on a certain day, then they won’t feel as though that visit is never going to come!
