At 8am on a weekday morning, while most of London was sleepily commuting with an oat latte in hand and questioning every life decision that led them onto the Central line, I was stepping inside Fortnum & Mason before opening hours for the launch of The Biscuitorium at Fortnum and Mason, Fortnum’s gloriously over-the-top new biscuit library featuring more than 70 different varieties.
And honestly, if anyone was going to turn biscuits into a luxury experience complete with champagne pairings, theatrical displays and elegantly dressed staff circulating the room with trays of sweet treats, it was always going to be Fortnum’s.
Even before stepping inside, the experience had already begun. The window display alone was stopping people in their tracks along Piccadilly. Equal parts playful and extravagant, the Biscuitorium installation felt impossible to ignore, like Willy Wonka had briefly taken over a British stately home gift shop.
Inside, before the doors officially opened, the atmosphere was something special in itself. Quiet, elegant and oddly calming, it felt like seeing a behind-the-scenes version of one of London’s most iconic stores. Staff moved effortlessly around the biscuit hall preparing for the day ahead while guests wandered through beautifully curated displays lined with Fortnum’s signature tins in those instantly recognisable shades of eau de nil, some tins spun and played tunes!
As we made our way around the Biscuitorium, impeccably dressed staff guided guests through the collection with the kind of enthusiasm usually reserved for fine wine or rare art. Except this time, it was for biscuits. Not just “here’s a biscuit” either, this was full scale biscuit matchmaking. Discussions of flavour profiles, texture, ingredients and tea pairings were delivered with complete sincerity, and somehow, against all odds, it worked.
One of the most entertaining parts of the morning was discovering just how much thought had gone into pairing biscuits with champagne. Yes, champagne and biscuits, a combination I didn’t know I desperately needed until Kirsty, Grace and Jack from Fortnum and Mason’ handed me a glass of fizz alongside Biscuits Roses de Reims.
These delicate French biscuits have been delighting dunkers — and champagne drinkers, for more than three centuries.
My standards for breakfast changed permanently after visiting this section of the store.
Kirsty, Jack and Grace apparently acted as the official “guinea pigs” during the testing process, spending their time trying different combinations to discover which biscuits complemented which champagnes best. Frankly, it sounds like the sort of job people would willingly fight for. Their hard work clearly paid off because every pairing felt surprisingly perfect, indulgent and undeniably fun.
Baked twice for their signature lightness, they sit somewhere between a biscuit and a ladyfinger, with just enough crunch before melting away completely. The recipe itself hasn’t changed in over 330 years, and Fortnum & Mason has been selling them since 1849, which feels like a fairly convincing endorsement.
Served alongside champagne, English sparkling wine or even sparkling tea, they somehow manage to feel both timeless and theatrical. Best enjoyed dunked, naturally, although preferably with an air of elegance rather than the panicked speed usually associated with biscuit dunking at home.
But the real mastermind behind the collection was Rodger, Fortnum’s biscuit maker, whose creativity transformed the entire selection from simple sweet treats into something genuinely memorable. The range balanced nostalgia with full blown indulgence. And then came the undisputed star of the morning: the Whoppalossus.
Honestly, the name barely prepares you for the experience.
Fortnum’s largest biscuit creation to date, the Whoppalossus is unapologetically excessive in the very best way. Crack through the thick dark chocolate shell and inside you’ll find layers of crumbly oat biscuit, gooey raspberry marshmallow fluff and velvety Sicilian pistachio paste. It’s rich, dramatic and absolutely enormous, technically designed for sharing, although after one bite you may suddenly discover a deeply selfish side of yourself.
What made the entire experience work so well was that it never felt stuffy or overly polished. There was humour running through everything, from the roaming Biscuitorium trays weaving theatrically through the room to the sheer seriousness with which everyone discussed biscuits as though they were priceless artefacts. And underneath all the extravagance was a genuine sense that the people behind it truly loved what they were creating.
By the time the store officially opened and the first customers of the day began filtering in from Piccadilly, it felt as though we’d experienced an entirely different side of Fortnum’s: quieter, more personal, and fuelled almost entirely by sugar, tea and champagne before most people had even opened their emails.
Quite frankly, I may never look at a biscuit the same way again.
The Biscuitorium at Fortnum and Mason
181 Piccadilly, London W1A 1ER
